It is a well-known fact that the old men in the back row are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. Most of us have worked our ways down through the ranks from our days as innocent, cherubic trebles, via spotty altos and nervous tenors before finding our true metier amongst the growlers where our grey matter can decay peacefully. Here we can put the world to rights, well out of sight and reach of the MD, that person we can just about see in the far distance thanks to Specsavers.
She has high expectations. She recently suggested that 'we should know the words by now'. What does she think we are: masterminds? We had two consecutive years of singing 'tan-tan-tara' (Pirates and Iolanthe) and were almost word-, if not note-, perfect by the end of the second year. Then a year off when we were asked to sing almost nothing (Patience) and now she expects us to remember difficult texts like 'Tra-la-la-la'. We might just manage this by the end of this season but occasionally it just goes 'La-la-la-la' or 'La-la' rest 'La-la'. Taxing stuff for an oldie.
Having a few bars, well actually numbers, in Gondoliers, left to our own devices gives us time to catch up on sleep provided the posh lot out front are not making too much noise (We nudge our neighbours if they are snoring too loudly). Sadly, there are a couple of the nobs who keep singing about sparkling eyes or something and this tends to keep a chap awake.
It was during one of these breaks that I thought a bit about this mystery character, Inez, the nurse who holds us all in suspense ('Did you see what I did there- suspense - geddit?'). She, my books tell me, is based on a character in Verdi's Il Trovatore (a small classical allusion to give this narrative some academic credibility). Like all great 'revealers of truth' she has a small part and yet completely dominates the stage when she grinds her way through her narrative, spinning out the tension like a low-quality game show (is there any other?). If Sullivan were writing today he would add in a long pause and over-long drum roll before she declared the word 'Luiz!'
Is she an acceptable role model in today's world?
She had a child of her own (was there a husband?) and was entrusted with the infant prince in the Palmieri household. Were Marco and Guiseppe older than Luiz? If so, then it is strange that they show no sign of recognising him when he turns up in Venice. On the other hand, if they are younger than he, they show no respect for someone who must have been their older playmate. And how did he ever get to be in the service of the Duke of P-T in distant Spain? Was this Don Alhambra again? He does not admit to it although he seems to know who Luiz is when he first meets him.
But the real nub of her story is that Inez 'deftly substituted' her own son when 'traitors came to steal his son reputed'. They 'fell into the trap completely'. We are left to presume that her own son was taken away and killed by the traitors.
Was this the act of caring mother or are we meant to admire her loyalty to the Wesleyan Minister/king of Barataria? She certainly put monarchy and duty above her own flesh and blood but does this make her a reliable nurse? I am beginning to doubt Don Alhambra's decision-making and suspect that we should report him to the Metropolitan Police and Social Services and insist on an enquiry chaired by ...
What's that? We are coming to the end of the opera? OK. I shall wake up. No time to think. 'We leave you with feelings of - pause - pleasure.'
Time to go home.
